


In almost every lifetime

by pene



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 12:36:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3488498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pene/pseuds/pene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“...weddings are always madness. Impossibly foolish. Whatever, whomever, whenever. You’d have to be delirious. Not that what I think matters. You two are going to do it anyway.” </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There are a hundred ways Kurt and Blaine could have come to this. Here are seven.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In almost every lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Corinna, Wowbright and Judearaya, who were delightful, alternately heartening and bracing, and made it much better. 
> 
> *
> 
> Post-ep for 6.08: A Wedding. Kind of.
> 
> Barely any of these are canonical but they all could be.
> 
> *

Blaine runs the pad of his thumb across his wedding band. It’s a tiny reminder of a forever that's vast in his heart. This feels right. Some day it’ll also feel familiar. 

 

His husband lies beside him in the half-light. He’s asleep, soft-faced and as beautiful as he’s ever been. Blaine watches Kurt breathe, slowly in, slowly out, slowly in. Here in their bed, Blaine doesn’t need to touch him, doesn’t need to wake him, he doesn’t need to see him smile. All the questions Blaine has ever asked are answered here. 

 

***

**One.**

 

Their loft apartment is in Manhattan now. Kurt sits between exposed brick walls and artwork they chose together and squints at the income tax forms on his laptop screen. He runs a hand through his hair. He’ll have to redo it before the dinner later. 

 

“This would be so much easier if we were married,” he says, “Not to mention cheaper." He glares at the screen for another minute before spinning about in the desk chair to face Blaine. 

 

Blaine is crying. Two silent tears track down his face. 

 

Kurt freezes for a second. “Blaine?” he says. He moves to sit by Blaine’s side on the couch. “Babe?” He brushes his hands across Blaine’s cheeks to collect the tears. Blaine looks embarrassed and frustrated with himself as another fat wet drop rolls down. Kurt’s heart clenches. “Sweetheart, what is it?” 

 

He thinks over the things he was saying. After twelve years he knows almost everything about Blaine. He knows Blaine’s fears and his fantasies, even the supposedly secret ones that unfailingly weaken Blaine’s knees and take him to pieces. He knows the names of Blaine’s long lost childhood toys and his favorite routes to the theater district and why he can’t watch the Olympics without tearing up. How did he miss this?

 

Kurt says, “We haven’t talked about getting married in so long. I just- Oh babe, you should have told me you wanted this. I wish you’d-” 

 

Blaine’s shaking his head. “Sorry. No, it’s not like that. Of course not. Really, everything is good. It’s wonderful. More than I could’ve dreamed. It’s not like I’ve been sitting back hoping or anything. It was just a moment of silliness.”

 

“It’s not silly,” says Kurt. He turns his body on the couch to face him and holds onto his hands. “We both dreamed of marriage.”

 

“Yes, but, it’s not like we’ve avoided it intentionally. We’ve just been busy. There hasn’t been time to plan a wedding. Not our perfect wedding. Not with the life we’re living.”

 

They hadn’t guessed how quickly the _Dead Poets Society_ musical would find its footing. And then Kurt originated Simon and Garfunkel’s _The Boxer_ and Blaine had _Sweet Charity_ and _London Road_. Plus there was Rachel’s charity thing and the tour with Elliott.

 

“No,” says Kurt. “There hasn’t.”

 

“You know I wouldn’t give up any part of what we have for anything. Not even to marry you.” Blaine looks so earnest that Kurt smiles. It still catches him by surprise, how much he’s in love with this man.

 

Kurt says, “But you’re upset.”

 

Blaine sighs. He glances away for a moment, but his eyes return instinctively to Kurt’s. “No. No, I’m not really. Most of the time I feel like we’re married anyway. It’s not like the paperwork matters. And the world already thinks we are.” It’s true. The Times just did a piece on Broadway marrieds. Kurt and Blaine were featured. 

 

Kurt looks out the window at the streets and the lovely old buildings beyond. He says, “What are you doing Saturday?” 

 

Blaine shrugs a little. “I have that meeting with Jamie and Cormac.” 

 

Kurt says, “Invite them.”

 

Blaine stares.

 

“Let’s get married, Blaine.” Kurt smiles. Everything’s suddenly clear. “Let’s get married this weekend. If anyone has the excellent taste and the pulling power to manage a truly spectacular last minute gay wedding it’s us. We could have it here and keep it intimate. Or I can talk to Lev about using the theater. The lights have been out there since the disaster with the Scottish Play. And maybe Patti Jackson will want to cater.” 

 

Blaine holds up a hand. “Hey. Babe. Before we get too far into planning this we’d better check in with your dad and Carole. And Sam and Mercedes and Rachel. It wouldn’t be the same without them.”

 

Kurt looks at him, struck. “It’s our wedding, Blaine, they’ll be able to come."

 

Blaine smiles, and Kurt almost melts in the face of his fondness and amusement. “It’s this Saturday, five days away. Sometimes people have plans they can’t break. Even for you and me and the surprise wedding of the year.”

 

As it turns out, everyone can make it. 

 

Isabelle offers them her rooftop garden. There’s room for eighty people, a stunning view of the city and the East River, and a reflecting pool for Sam and Mercedes’ daughter to attempt to topple into repeatedly. 

 

By Friday night all the details are in place. There’ll be time tomorrow for a minor panic if the steamer stops working or Burt and Carole get caught up in some kind of motorcade between JFK and the apartment. Tonight Kurt doesn’t need to resist the promise in Blaine’s smile as he reaches out a hand to take Kurt to bed. Kurt doesn’t need to think, can just appreciate the way Blaine uses his greedy mouth and careful fingers to patiently take him apart.

 

The next morning the sun creeps through the giant warehouse windows. Kurt watches it inch its way up Blaine’s bare leg. He wants to follow it with his lips and tongue. Instead he stretches. Everyone is going to be there. He has things to organize before the afternoon. 

 

By evening it’s cooler and breezy on Isabelle's rooftop. The air lifts Rachel’s and Mercedes’ dresses and makes them shiver. It sifts through Kurt’s hair. 

 

One of the chairs is slightly misaligned. There’s traffic noise from below. A siren wails. 

 

But Kurt turns to face Blaine and for several stretching minutes forgets all the incongruous details, forgets almost everything except the light in Blaine’s gold eyes. 

 

They stand above New York City and promise one another the forever they’ve already been living. Kurt can’t stop smiling. 

*

**Two.**

 

Kurt and Rachel lead the new New Directions to a Sectionals win that would be unexpected if Blaine didn’t already know how McKinley High stories can go. The Warblers make a good showing, though, and Blaine catches New Directions’ Madison making out with Warbler Lloyd George so the circle of life seems to be in balance. 

 

Then it’s all over. Mr. Schuester is back at McKinley High, Blaine’s contract has ended. They can’t live in Ohio forever. That’s never been either of their plan. 

 

Kurt graciously doesn’t say, I told you so when Blaine’s professors speak up for him at NYADA. The two of them take the bus back for Winter term. Back to NYADA and an old life and a new apartment. They’re better now, though, than before. Battered, sure, and maybe only partly healed but wiser and better. 

 

Kurt’s looking out the window as snow-covered farmland skids by. The bus seats are narrow, but not narrow enough to require Kurt’s shoulders and thighs to line up against Blaine’s. Kurt’s choosing that himself. He rests one hand on Blaine’s knee. Blaine’s heart beats slow and strong. He could sit here forever. 

 

“Before all of this-” Blaine starts. He pauses.

 

Kurt turns to him. “All of what?” His eyes are grey and endless, reflecting the sky outside. 

 

“Before we broke up and then moved to Ohio and then got back together.” His lungs feel tight. That time is over but thinking of it isn’t easy, however much it brought them both good things. 

 

Kurt swallows then smiles. “Oh. Before all of that.” He doesn’t move his hand away. 

 

Blaine starts again. “Before all of this, Kurt, you were my fiancé. We were getting married.”

 

“We were.”

 

The words tumble out of Blaine. “I still want that. I don’t want to start over again, I don’t want to wait. I want forever with you. Now.” 

 

“Okay,” Kurt says. It’s that easy. There’s no question.

 

They marry ten weeks later in New York. Blaine’s already done most of the research. Kurt throws himself into details of perfect wedding suits and bridesmaid dresses. 

 

They dance at the reception, with their arms wrapped around one another and music running through the soles of their feet and up into their hearts. Kurt’s hands are warm on Blaine’s back as he says, “Do you remember when we first danced together?”

 

“Of course I do,” Blaine says. His husband is beautiful and still so very brave. Blaine remembers everything.

*

**Three.**

 

Kurt wakes to pain that makes everything behind his eyes spotted white. He keeps them closed and drops back into half-sleep. The next time he wakes his face hurts, his head hurts, his ribs ache, but he doesn’t pass out this time. He drags his way out of a medicated haze and blinks at the brightness. He’s not going to miss out on any more of the real world because of some fucking gay bashers. 

 

There’s this steady warmth on the bed beside him. He twists his head awkwardly to see Blaine curled up on the narrow hospital bed with him. Even though everything hurts, it’s dreamy and wonderful to see Blaine right there, to touch him, to smell his perfect delicious boy smell. There were moments when he thought he’d never get to experience any of this again.

 

“Are you comfortable?” Kurt whispers.

 

Blaine shifts, lifts his head and looks at Kurt.

 

“Hi,” he says. 

 

Kurt blinks slowly. “Hi. Are you comfortable?”

 

“Yeah. Don’t worry, Kurt. I’m fine. There’s this bar under my hip but I can sort of bend myself around it.”

 

“You should go home,” says Kurt after a moment’s thought.

 

Blaine says, “I want to be with you.” Kurt’s heart swells. He’s been beaten up, he’s sure he looks a mess, it was another time that he couldn’t save himself, and still this perfect boy wants to be with him. 

 

“I’m okay, Blaine. I promise. You should go home and rest.”

 

Blaine sits up on the bed. He smiles sweetly, and looks Kurt in the eye. “I’m not leaving. I had to argue with the staff just to get in the first time. What if they never let me in again?”

 

Kurt remembers when he woke and Blaine wasn’t there. “I like having you here,” he says, sort of stupidly. 

 

Blaine smiles, fond and sad. “I couldn’t stand it, Kurt. Not being here when you needed me. Not right now.”

 

Blaine’s right. “Okay. Stay,” says Kurt. “Please stay.” 

 

Blaine stands and pulls an uncomfortable looking chair close to the bed. “You can sleep as long as you like,” he says. “I’ll be here.” He takes Kurt’s hand.

 

“Thank you,” says Kurt. He lies on his back and tries not to think about what happened. Breathing hurts. Even thinking hurts. But looking at Blaine, that will never hurt. He turns his head. 

 

“We should get married,” Kurt says. 

 

“What?” Blaine’s eyes are soft on Kurt’s. They widen. “What?” he asks again.

 

“They couldn’t keep you out then. Not ever.”

 

Blaine says, “Kurt, no.” He blinks at tears that seem to be right there on the surface. 

 

“We should,” Kurt insists. He’s so sure of this. “We’re getting married anyway. I’m marrying you whatever anyone does or says. I just don’t want to give anyone the chance to take this away.”

 

“No, but... This isn’t anything like what you dreamed, or what I dreamed,” says Blaine.

 

“I should hope not,” says Kurt. He tries not to smile. Smiling hurts too. “I just- Blaine, I don’t want anyone to be able to say you were anything less than my husband.” Kurt knows that it sounds like he thought he’d die. He did. 

 

There’s a long pause. Kurt tries to look serious and sensible and like someone worth marrying. Blaine squeezes his hand. “Okay, Kurt. Yes. I want that more than anything in the world.”

 

Kurt can’t leave the hospital so they arrange for a city clerk to come there to prepare the license. 

 

They tell Burt when he returns from his quick break to shower and sleep. 

 

“No way,” he says. “I don’t- no way.” He looks at Kurt. “They’ve got you on a pretty high dose of morphine there, kid. I can’t agree to this.” 

 

Kurt’s head still hurts. He feels edgy and like the whole world might end without his permission. “I’m not looking for your consent, dad. We’ve worked this out. We’re getting married. But I’d like you to be here.” 

 

Thirty-two hours later Burt officiates. There are just blank white walls, a narrow hospital bed and ugly machines but at least Kurt’s not attached to any of them any more. Blaine ties Kurt’s tie with careful shaking fingers and his hair is perfect in the mirror Carole brings. He tries to look past his own beaten face. 

 

It doesn’t matter. Blaine is beautiful. He’s full of courage and sweetness. 

 

Kurt says, “I’m so proud to be here with you. This might not be what we imagined-” He looks around. He hates this room but he meets Blaine’s eyes and it’s mostly okay. His voice doesn’t shake at all as he says, “I don’t want any chance that I won’t spend the rest of my life married to you.” 

 

After they kiss Blaine says, “You’re safe, my love. I’m never letting go.” 

 

It might need some work when they get back to their lives, when Kurt needs his autonomy and Blaine needs not to worry himself to pieces, but they can figure that out later. For this moment, it helps. 

 

*

 

**Four.**

 

They’ve been back together for five months and back in New York for three. They spent a couple of weeks talking about whether they should live together again, but in the end it’s practical. They find a place in the East Village with a separate nook for the bed. Blaine explores Alphabet City happily, alone or with Kurt. 

 

One afternoon Kurt texts. “Dress nicely. I’m taking my boyfriend on a date.” Somehow they end up here in Greenpoint.

 

Blaine is fully aware that this is Dani’s apartment building. But still, when Kurt blindfolds him he feels edgy and breathless. He’s not afraid though. They’ve done this before in the safety of their apartment. And he can’t be afraid when Kurt holds both of his hands and leads him. He’d trust Kurt to take him anywhere. 

 

He hears elevator doors slide open and closed, feels the floor lift beneath his feet. Another door opens, there’s a creak and a bang. “Okay,” says Kurt. “Let’s go.” Blaine can hear the smile in his voice. They step forward. The air is cool. There are traffic noises far below. 

 

“We’re not in Kansas anymore,” says Blaine softly. 

 

He treads carefully, following Kurt’s lead and his whispered directions. Then Kurt turns him about. “Sit down,” he says and places a hand on his shoulder to guide him. The seat is hard.

 

“Can I kiss you?” Kurt asks.

 

“Yes,” Blaine whispers and nods eagerly. 

 

Even though he’s expecting it, he can’t see to anticipate Kurt’s soft lips pressed against his. The kiss skitters down Blaine’s veins. His breathing catches. When Kurt’s mouth moves away Blaine chases it instinctively. 

 

“Wait, sweetheart,” Kurt says, soft and low into his ear. 

 

He slips the blindfold over Blaine’s head. Blaine blinks and focuses. Stretched before him are hundreds of fairy lights. There are swathes of creamy chiffon draped overhead. The Manhattan skyline glows across what looks like a rooftop farm.

 

Blaine looks back to Kurt, who smiles a fragile smile and kneels down in front of him. Kurt is at least as lovely as any view in the world. Blaine watches as he looks down and bites his lip. Blaine can’t help but long to join in, to help, but this moment is Kurt’s alone. 

 

“I-I’ve come up with a hundred ways to say this.” Kurt takes a breath and lifts his eyes to Blaine’s. “I want you to know that I’d choose to spend every lifetime with you. If you’ll let me. I’ll choose to wake with you forever, to laugh with you and fight with you. I’ll choose to make plans with you for the big things and the small ones. I’ll choose to listen to you and make music with you and support you and talk to you. I know what I’m in for. We both do. There are days when choosing love is easy and days when it’s hard. But I want all of that, easy, hard, impossible. I want it with you.”

 

Blaine’s eyes swim with tears but even through them he can see that there’s both hope and fear in Kurt’s gaze. Which seems ludicrous. Blaine has always wanted this, will always want this. Kurt must know that Blaine is going to say yes. 

 

Kurt’s voice wavers as he says, “I love you with all my heart, Blaine. It isn’t a perfect heart, I know. But all of it is yours. If you’ll let me, I’ll choose to love you every day for the rest of our lives.” There are tears on his cheeks. They catch the light. 

 

Kurt takes a breath. “Okay I’m done,” he says. “I’ve said my bit. That’s it.” He huffs out half a laugh. There’s an appeal in his eyes. 

 

Blaine drops off the chair and kneels with him. “Kurt. Kurt. Of course I’ll let you. Yes. Of course, yes. Forever, yes.” The words aren’t really coming together, or they’re all coming at once. Blaine takes Kurt’s face in his hands. The kiss tastes of salt and joy. 

 

“We could get married up here,” says Blaine after a moment. He looks around them.

 

Kurt giggles, it breaks off into a sob. He sits back on his heels on the rooftop. “We will do no such thing. I had to light scented candles to disguise the stench of manure. I bribed the residents with cookies so they wouldn’t come up and interrupt. I’ve spent the whole week secretly baking at Elliot’s place. No chance, Blaine.” He’s half laughing, half crying.

 

Blaine leans forward. He kisses the tears. “Please don’t cry,” he says. 

 

“I wanted it to be perfect,” says Kurt with a sniff. 

 

“It was perfect,” says Blaine. “ _You_ are perfect.” He kisses Kurt’s lips again. It’s deeper this time, their mouths pressing into one another, acting out what their bodies want. Blaine says. “You bribed the residents not to come up here?” 

 

Kurt leans away a little and looks at him with clear, considering eyes. “I did.” His mouth lifts at one corner. “And I have a blanket and other... essentials.”

 

“You’re so clever,” says Blaine and pulls Kurt’s body close again, where it’s always supposed to be. “I’m glad I’m going to marry you.” 

*

**Five.**

 

There’s no one else, Blaine said. No one else in the apartment, of course, but it feels like there’s no one else on the planet. There’s no need to be quiet. 

 

Still, they hush one another with kisses and fingers, breathless and wanting under Blaine’s rainbow bright sheets. The warmth spills bright through Kurt as he comes, all sunshine and promise. He’s here in Blaine’s arms after too many hours and days and weeks away. He buries his face in Blaine’s shoulder to muffle his helpless groan. Blaine shudders above him. 

 

Afterwards they lie still, wrapped in breath and skin and the way they look at one another. Kurt takes Blaine’s hand. 

 

“I want to marry you now,” he says.

 

“Good,” says Blaine. His smile is hushed and dreamy.

 

“No, I mean.” Kurt is quiet for a moment. Blaine pulls their joined hands to his lips and kisses each finger. There’s reverence there. It stills Kurt’s heart. He goes on. “Blaine Devon Anderson. I would like to marry you. Now. Here.”

 

“Here?” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

It’s not even their bed. It doesn’t matter. They speak softly. The vows coil between their hands and hearts. They’ve always known everything they promise one another. 

 

*

 **Six.**

 

Kurt folds his hands over the menu in front of him to keep himself still. They’re fighting. Again. Across the table Blaine’s eyes are frantic and imploring. It’s galling. Just impossible and infuriating and shattering. How can Kurt ever say no to that face? Even if he needs to for his own sanity.

 

“Do you even want to marry me?” Blaine says.

 

Kurt’s answer drops fast, like a rock between them. “Maybe I don’t!” It reaches his brain after he’s spoken. 

 

Blaine’s face collapses. But Kurt’s anger is too bright to let him reach out a hand. He looks away, out at the steady rain. His heart thuds and thuds. Maybe I don’t.

 

“I will never forgive you for this,” says Blaine. When he leaves the door swings shut behind him. Kurt drops his head into his hands. 

 

An hour and a half later, Kurt dials Blaine’s number. He’s planned what he’s going to say but he forgets it all and his hands shake as he leaves a message. “I’m so sorry, Blaine. Just. Please come and talk to me.”

 

It’s another hour before there’s a knock at the door. Kurt reminds himself to breathe. He opens the door. Blaine’s in the hallway. His eyes are swollen and nothing’s really okay between them, but he’s still everything Kurt has ever loved. 

 

“You do have a key,” Kurt says, gently. 

 

It doesn’t feel melodramatic when Blaine says, “I didn’t know if I was welcome, Kurt.” 

 

Kurt almost says always but he stops himself. It’s only really partly true. Instead he says, carefully, “I love you.” And, “This is your home.” However much he means it, he knows he sounds like he’s holding back. He doesn’t know how to be other than he is. 

 

Blaine stays standing in the doorway. He looks sad but sort of certain, more certain than he’s seemed in a while. His chest rises and falls. Kurt speaks in a rush, “Blaine, I think we need to talk and- maybe not just to one another.” He doesn’t like saying it.

 

“You mean- do you mean counselling?” asks Blaine. There’s a tremor to his voice which Kurt can’t quite read.

 

Kurt presses his lips together. “Yes.” It’s one of the hardest things he’s said, but the relief on Blaine’s face is immediate and unmistakable. Kurt nods and says it again. “Yes.”

 

“Okay,” Blaine breathes. He swallows audibly. “That’s. Okay. I have a couple of numbers we could try.”

 

“Oh?” 

 

“Elliot suggested them.”

 

It stings to think of Blaine and Elliot discussing something so deeply personal. Elliot is their friend, but he’s so mature and together, and Kurt would far prefer to keep his failures close to his chest. 

 

Blaine steps through the door and closes it behind him. He reaches out a hand tentatively. Kurt takes it. “Can I kiss you?” Blaine asks. 

 

Kurt’s stomach twists. His voice catches in his throat. “God. Yes, please.” He wonders if he’ll ever say no to that. 

 

But he knows he covers things up with how much his body just wants Blaine. It makes things seem easier, even when they’re fighting. This time when Blaine crosses the distance between them, Kurt holds up a hand to check him for a moment. 

 

“We’ll call those numbers. Tomorrow.” He speaks as firmly as he can manage with Blaine so close in his space and offering everything, again. 

 

Blaine nods. “Tomorrow,” he echoes. He places a hand on Kurt’s waist. Kurt feels the touch and the familiarity through his skin and all the way down his spine. 

 

Their kiss feels different to ones they’ve shared before - it’s a quiet touch of lips, almost tentative. They keep a space between them like they’re protecting something. But their bodies have always, always sought one another and soon Kurt’s pressing close enough that he can feel Blaine’s heart and breath and pulse. This is the one way they are always good enough. Kurt shakes with wanting it.

 

“I didn’t know,” says Blaine pulling his lips away from Kurt’s jaw, “If I’d get to do this any more.” His eyelashes are wet. 

 

“Always,” says Kurt. It feels true in the moment, in any way that matters. “Don’t stop.” He feels Blaine smile against his skin. 

 

“I love you so much,” says Blaine. “I love every part of you. Here.” He punctuates the words with kisses. “And here. And here. I always will. But Kurt, it’s not just this that I want to work for.”

 

“I know,” says Kurt. He still doesn’t want to think about all the things they could have lost today. 

 

“I mean,” says Blaine stepping back a little. “We could have this with anyone.”

 

Kurt tips his head and narrows his eyes and Blaine laughs under his breath.

 

“Maybe not anyone,” he admits. “But there’s more between us than how much I want you.”

 

Kurt takes a steadying breath. He looks around the apartment. They already have forever. It’s curled around his heart. He takes a breath and draws his body back into himself. “I haven’t eaten,” he says. He’s turned on, of course he is, but this is sensible. He tries not to feel deflated by the change in gears. “And I know you haven’t either. Can we cook something and eat together. I’m not sure we’re ready for much conversation but maybe we could watch a movie.”

 

“And then make out,” says Blaine. His hand is still on Kurt’s waist. 

 

Kurt tries to hide his smile. “We could do that.” There’s this to and fro between them, where one pushes forward and the other stops. Sometimes it feels like an impossible thing, like they’ll topple over, but today everything is in balance. 

 

They cook some pasta with tomatoes and eggplant. As Blaine moves around the kitchen Kurt is keenly aware of him, his delicate movements, the way he glances at Kurt, the hum under his breath. It doesn’t feel confining, not tonight. But there’ve been other nights like this and he knows everything will shift again. They need to be ready. 

 

Later, in their bed, Blaine is spread wide under Kurt’s hands and mouth. He’s already mindless and soft-boned with need, panting. Kurt loves him. So much. There has to be a way through this. 

 

“Come with me, sweetheart,” he murmurs against Blaine’s lips. “Please.” He buries himself slowly in Blaine, pushes forward again and again. Blaine’s hips roll and fall open beneath him. Their bodies find a rhythm. They don’t look for thought or words or plans here, just this eager, seeking drive toward pleasure. 

 

Blaine lifts his head and sucks kisses sweetly along Kurt’s throat. His hands clutch at Kurt’s back. Kurt feels like everything splits open at once. His orgasm blazes swift and bright, in flooding waves down every one of his nerves. 

 

“I love you,” Blaine sobs as he comes. There are tears in his eyes. Kurt wants to wrap him up so his whole perfect body is safe, surrounded by Kurt’s. 

 

“I’ve got you,” Kurt murmurs as Blaine comes back to him. He feels shaken. “I’ve got you,” he says again. He lowers his weight and wraps his arms tightly around Blaine. He hopes it will always be true. 

 

Their therapist is called Lisa. Kurt flicks a glance over her outfit. He can’t tell if it’s genuine fashion from the 70s or something hipster and ironic. She doesn’t seem to mind his appraisal. She’s relaxed as she asks them to sit. 

 

Therapy is wearying. It’s frustrating in ways Kurt didn’t expect. He hates that he can’t get this right by himself, that they can’t get things right together. Because he knows Blaine. He loves Blaine. They’re in love. He doesn’t want instructions for this, of all things. 

 

He spends the first session trying to listen actively and reflect what he hears. “I can work on that,” he says. But too often he wants to block his ears to the whirl of words and disappointments and say, like a child, “But you broke it first.”

 

There are other weeks, though. Blaine says, “I don’t know what to do when you get like that, Kurt - you’re biting and cool and I feel useless, like there’s no way I can fix things.”

 

Kurt protests. “But I’m not looking for you to fix anything, Blaine. Sometimes it’s not even about you.”

 

“It’s hard, though, when I’m the one in the room.” Blaine is frowning. 

 

Kurt nods. He speaks slowly. “Okay. Sure. But you- it’s not only me that gets angry, Blaine.”

 

There’s a long pause. Lisa says, “We need to think about all of this. But is Kurt right, Blaine?”

 

“Yes,” Blaine says. He looks thoughtful. “The thing is, by the time I’m angry like that- It’s not that I don’t care. I care. About the towels and the weird annoying way you fold my socks. But it’s more than that.” He takes a quick breath. “It just sucks to feel like I’m the bad guy. Like all your judgement and criticism are justified because I’m so hard to live with. I need to be right about something, Kurt. You make me feel like I’m just someone you’re putting up with.” 

 

“But that’s not - I don’t feel like that,” says Kurt quickly. “That’s not fair.” He pauses, Blaine’s eyes are on his.

 

“This isn’t about fair,” says Lisa into the space between them. “It’s about hearing one another.” 

 

Blaine’s spoken to Kurt’s heart since Kurt was seventeen. He thinks Who else have I ever heard? But that doesn’t fix everything. The words Blaine hears might not be the words Kurt intends, might not even be anything Kurt has ever thought or said, but that doesn’t mean Blaine doesn’t hear them. 

 

“Okay,” says Kurt. He’s trying.

 

Blaine nods. “Okay.”

 

It gets worse and then it gets better but they work through, they always show up. 

 

They plan their wedding for Labor Day weekend. 

 

Kurt’s suit is vintage McQueen and Blaine’s is Tom Ford. They scrape money together. They can’t afford everything they want. Still, it’s almost perfect. Rachel and Mercedes stand up with Kurt, and Sam and Tina stand with Blaine. Cooper does a dramatic monologue. Everyone wants to sing. Mercedes, Santana, Rachel, Tina, Artie, Elliott and Dani, Unique, Marley. Blaine, of course. Kurt. 

 

Kurt’s speech ends with, “I know now that this was never a trial run, you and me. This was always it, the end, forever.”

 

The ring is bright on his finger. They’re married. Blaine’s eyes are clear and sure as they kiss. 

 

*  
*

**Seven.**

 

The light is clear and lovely. In it Blaine is as handsome as ever. Of course, Brittany and Santana and Sue Sylvester are all there too, with their ridiculous offers and their beautiful suits that look like they would fit perfectly. Kurt doesn’t think too hard about how Sue is aware he’s been eying the Dsquared2 blazer. 

 

Instead Kurt watches Blaine. He holds Blaine’s hands and says, “Whatever we say now, I think we know that one day we’ll be married. Whether it’s today or next month or next year.” He keeps his voice steady. 

 

Blaine nods, his eyes wide. “Yes.”

 

Kurt says, “I want to marry you, Blaine. But we don’t have to do it this way. We can do it any way we want to. We can go out there and be attendants and watch Brittany and Santana get married. Or-” He hesitates.

 

Blaine looks from Brittany and Santana to Sue and the suits then back to Kurt. He says, “It doesn’t seem rational, really.” He fixes Kurt with his eyes and takes a breath. “I want to marry you. Today. I know it’s crazy.”

 

There’s no air in the room. “I don’t think it’s crazy,” says Kurt. 

 

“Well, I think it’s complete madness,” says Sue. “But then weddings are always madness. Impossibly foolish. Whatever, whomever, whenever. You’d have to be delirious. Not that what I think matters. You two are going to do it anyway.” 

 

“Wait. You set this up.” says Blaine in protest, turning to her.

 

Sue shrugs. 

 

“Ignore her,” Kurt says. Blaine turns back and smiles at him, that lovely breakable smile. “Are you sure?” Kurt says. 

 

“I’m sure. The thing is, now that I’ve found out I could marry you in an hour-”

 

“Less if you speed this up,” Sue interrupts, “and get that prosey father of Porcelain’s to move things along.”

 

“Shh,” Blaine hushes her with one hand. All his attention is on Kurt. Kurt’s heart fills to bursting with pride. 

 

Blaine goes on. “Now that I know I could be your husband, that you could be my husband, in less than an hour... nothing else in the world sounds as impossibly, foolishly, perfectly right.” 

 

When they look at one another the rest of the world vanishes. 

 

“I love you,” Kurt says. “Always.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

***

 

Blaine runs his thumb across his wedding band as he lies on his back in the dark. His limbs feel agreeably heavy. His body is soft with sex - sweaty and sated and dragging him under, but he’s slept through this part too many times. Tonight is important. He wants to stay awake. Stay awake and right here, safe, on guard, in love forever.

 

Kurt is curled loose-limbed into Blaine’s side - soft-faced and at ease. One long leg is draped across Blaine’s thighs. Kurt’s breath is sweet against Blaine’s bare shoulder. Blaine’s heart is full of his loveliness. 

 

Even after all this time, even married, it’s an honor to see Kurt this way, without the wariness, without the shield of the perfect criticism or the perfect outfit. He’s unbearably vulnerable. Blaine felt it afterwards, how easily Kurt touched him. How easily he smiled. How open his joy was, sitting right there at the surface. 

 

Kurt murmurs, mentions oysters or rear axle suspension or wedding gowns in his sleep . Blaine turns his head to kiss the place where Kurt’s hair meets his forehead. Kurt doesn’t shift away. This is different from any forever Blaine imagined. It’s still all Blaine’s ever wanted.


End file.
